This is mostly an off the cuff piece, written late at night when I should be sleeping. The contents of it are regarding my thoughts and troubles over the past few months. I'd say, dear reader, don't pay much attention to this, unless you also find yourself in this situation, but do not think this piece will hold the anwers you seek. Not at all. Instead let this be a piece of proof, a victim's testimony, that you are not alone in what you're experiencing.

I've recently graduated from university. Hurrah. You may notice my severe lack of enthusiasm about this. So why is that? Well, let us start from the last few months of university. I had gone through quite a nasty break-up, which made me appreciate more that which I had in my life. For the last year I had moved in with my friends, yet barely managed to spend any quality time with them. I do not wish to slander my former partner in this piece, we were merely incompatible. Her need for quality time far outweighed what I could offer if I were to keep a healty lifestyle. I now see glimpses of the other side of this relation through my own experience, however we shall return to this at a later point.

What is certain, dear reader, is that my realisation came quite late. Exam season was fastly approaching, meaning so would my tenancy, and, in turn, my possible quality time with the friends I made while there. I am still incredibly grateful that they welcomed me back in the fold after such a long time. Sure, we were living in the same house, but things got pretty cold as I spent less and less time with them, even hostile at times, though never all out malicious. Either way, with my return we decided to amp up the number of activities while we still had time. We watched plenty of movies, created new inside jokes, even invented our own holiday (See: Craic Day... or don't just yet𐠲𐠲. Still under construction! ). Things were, for the most part, going well.

You see, at that time, even if things were tough, I had a routine. Well, I say routine, but I was never much a fan of such a thing as routine. But even if money began to run low, I made a habit of visiting the local charity shops nearly every day. I had an order I would tackle them in. I had lectures to attend to, even though they were a drag, and many a time I would arrive to late, they would serve as motivation to get out of the house. I had the student union pub, where my dearest friend KP and I would stop at nearly every day, for a Diet and Regular coke respectivelly, and chat about whatever ideas we had in the past few hours (student's minds are really a powerhouse if the topic of discussion isn't coursework, though coursework was discussed plenty as well, especially during the exam season), him and I would also have our different routes we'd like to take, be it by the shops, or the late night insomniac routes through the city center. Sure we lived together, but a change of scenery never hurts!

A fair few nights leading into and out of exam week the guys and I would have a drinking night in the house, grabbing a crate of beer, maybe some whiskey on occasion, and enough illegaly imported cheap cigarette packs𐠳𐠳. For legal purposes this last bit is a joke! A double joke, even. Neither me, nor my associates would ever purchase illicitly imported goods, nor would we smoke said tobacco in a rented accomodation, against the terms of the lease. Haha!!!! What a funny joke!!!!!!! to last us through the night, drinking, smoking, and singing (often a mix of Russian music like 5'nizza's Soldat, Alina Gingertail covers of Witcher music, city pop, and whatever else may be decided on that night). After such a night, most regular people would sleep, and my friends (despite their abnormalities) would too! I, however, was almost always baited out by the show of colours the sunrise put on. I would grab my black trench coat, digital camera, and venture into the city looking for good photography opportunities.

The point of all this, is to say that I built something while there. I built friendships, hobbies, formed habbits, discovered places, met people. Even at the most stressful of times, many sleepless nights deep into exam week, pulling assignment all-nighters, those things were still there. I could still go to the pub, or the charity shops, I would do my studying with friends, sharing a pack of energy drinks, or a packet of cigs, just to make it through the learning material. Even when money began to run low, we would pool together change to get the cheapest energy drinks available, or share whatever pasta or rice we had through the cabinets with each other. And charity shops are free to walk through just to admire stuff you can't afford, you know?

But I knew all this can't last forever. With funds getting lower and lower, the final exam would mark the end of my presence in my university city, and that date surely was not taking its time.

And as soon as that date finally reached, it came gently, as gently finally laying your head on your home pillow, and stretching your body after a long day moving out. Only grace, that gentleness was not meant to last. It was a simple kiss goodbye of university life. As the feeling of its lips on my cheek slowly faded, the chill set in, the night began to set, the wind picked up its pace. Summer began, but the Lord, and the Lord alone knows it felt nothing like summer. No, the mental winter has set in, and not the white Christmas sort. No, it was a soviet January, blackened tarry snow filling up every crevice my feet hadn't stepped in, pacing around up and down with despair at my newest predicament.

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